Off Road and Off The Radar

I can safely say that without the invention of the 4x4 vehicle, my life would have been significantly worse. No, I wasn’t taken to the hospital in one as a little boy, and I wasn’t born or conceived in one, or anything “amusing” like that, I just really like driving them. Now, in case you’re wondering, I do live out in the country, and I haven’t bought one because it makes me feel like a conquering general driving into a liberated town center in a tank. I can therefore be considered an “acceptable” 4x4 driver. Can’t I? Well, ever since I broke a front axle on my old car, anyway. There is literally no other way for me to get to a main road than over a lot of bumpy ground and tree roots, so a 4x4 has become essential to me in the last three years.

It is true that I drive like I’m bearing a grudge against the laws of physics, but in my defence, I don’t do it on public roads or anywhere that it might pose a real danger to anyone but myself (and I seem to have an inbuilt device which prevents me driving in a way which might endanger my health, too). I’m just one of those people who cuts loose in a very measured way and within acceptable boundaries because I’d hate to be thought of as a cretin, but at the same time my base instincts do need to be catered to, and considering what some of my childhood contemporaries get up to even now I think the way I do it is a little bit more justifiable. Even when I’m getting my four-wheel related kicks, I keep safety in mind.

I do take part in some races, but I think I actually find more enjoyment in a simple drive for fun around one of the patches of arid, deserted land that I can find within a one-hour drive of where I live. It is great fun, and even an incident last year when I was careless for once and nearly did myself a great deal of harm hasn’t put me off. I was belting around a patch of land as usual when my foot slipped on the pedal and I hit an uneven patch, throwing me forward in a way which could have been fatal but for the seatbelt. Although it was not, it was very painful and I found out later that I had torn a rotator cuff. I took out my mobile phone and made a call to my wife, who was at her sister’s house at the time. From my GPS I managed to get my co-ordinates and passed them on to her.

It took her three hours to get to where I was, and by that time I would have been in a deep, deep slump if it hadn’t been for the hydration pack I brought along with me. I was in pain, uncomfortably hot and very embarrassed (as well as unable to drive). My wife drove the 4x4 back and her sister took her car, and I now have to live with the fact that my wife loves driving 4x4s too.